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Journeying
Together
Shabbat
Chayei Sarah 5766 Sermon
November 25, 2005
Rabbi
Samuel M. Cohon
In
one of the most dramatic parts of our Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, it tells us
that, at the moment of truth, "They called Rebecca and said to her, will
you go with this man? And she said, I will." (Genesis
24:58)
There is an interesting book I read not long ago called Walk Across America
by an author named Peter Jenkins, which also has a sequel, The Walk West by
Jenkins and his wife Barbara. Although the books come from a Christian
perspective, they are both beautiful and moving. In the 1970's Peter was
a young man who found himself disillusioned and lost, as so many did. He
decided to walk across the United States from the Atlantic to the Pacific, to
find America but more important, to find himself.
You know the old Simon and Garfunkel song, perhaps: but he really did
walk off to look for America…
On
the trip he had a number of adventures. I don't know that he found
America, but he did find his faith.
The most moving story he told was how, halfway through the trip, in the
middle of America, Peter met his wife Barbara. He saw her in church,
decided to stay for a while, and began courting her. And then he decided
to ask her to marry him—and to join him for the remainder of the journey,
the rest of his walk across America. Imagine, the person you love
proposing marriage, but only if you are willing to take a journey by foot of a
couple of thousand miles—and then back again. Most of us would
laugh—or simply say no, thanks.
Who needs that kind of tzoris? But Barbara was an unusual
woman, and she decided to think and pray about the issue.
She
went to her church and listened to her preacher's sermon. That week the
preacher happened to speak about the story we read ("REED") in this
week's portion, the arranged marriage between Isaac and Rebecca.
Her family asked Rebecca, "Will you go with this man?" and she
answered, "Yes." Barbara saw this sermon as a sign from
God. She married Peter and joined him for the rest of the walk west.
Since then the two of them have taken numerous long walks around the world,
writing about their journeys and their religious faith.
Their
story is profoundly moving.
It symbolizes what we all hope marriage can be. A woman meets a
man and he invites her to join him on a journey, perhaps not by foot, but an
adventure nonetheless. Their future is unknown. But she makes a
commitment to go along with him, and by her presence she helps him succeed in
his journey. Or it is the other way around. A man meets a woman
and she invites him to join her on a journey. His presence helps her
succeed on her journey.
Marriage
is a journey by two people together into the unknown. It is risky.
Each will fail at various times along the way.
Each partner will need patience, hope, and the ability to
forgive—often.
But by joining someone else on that journey, we not only make him or
her better, we make ourselves better.
And when we are able to create holiness through that partnership, we
are fulfilling God's work of creation.
Of
course, it is extremely important to find the right partner for our journey.
Abraham didn't want just any young woman to be Isaac's wife. She had to
come from his hometown, apparently; and most important, she had to have
excellent values: hospitality to strangers, generosity, intelligence,
competence. Abraham did not tell his son Isaac, "Go hang out at a
bar and you'll find a wife." The choice was made carefully, and
there is a deep sense in this portion that God brought them together—that
the whole match was bashert.
Even
Laban and Bethuel, Rebecca's not very spiritual brother and father, come to
understand that, and they say "This matter comes directly from God."
Of course, each match is different.
To paraphrase an old Yiddish maxim, "Sometimes God brings the woman
to the man like Isaac and Rebeccah, sometimes God brings the man to the
woman like Jacob and Rachel - and sometimes they meet on J-Date."
The first step is finding the right travel partner through life.
It
must be noted that we don't always know how right a partner is for us at
first—or sometimes, over time.
When Rebecca first sees Isaac the Torah tells us, mincing no words,
that she "tipol mei'al hagamal" —she fell off the camel.
That happened either because she was so shocked at what she saw, or
because she literally fell for him…
Once
we have a match, and a marriage, the crucial step is to stay focused on that
partner. Have you ever walked along with someone, been distracted or
daydreaming, then looked beside you and realized that they are not there?
That's what easily happens if we are self-absorbed and lose sight of our
partner. It happens to the best of us at times, and to the rest of us as
well. But
we cannot truly journey through life with someone if we lose sight of him or
her on the journey.
In
spite of our best efforts, at times we do fail to focus on our partners; and
it's at those times that we need, consciously and intentionally to seek them
again, and to renew that journey together.
It can be done, if we make the effort.
And
of course, over time, we come to learn a great deal from our partner: about
them, about ourselves, about the world.
And we learn to support one another through the vicissitudes of life.
Tovim hashnayim min he'echad, the Talmud tells us: two are
better than one for if one falls—or fails—the other can pick him or her
up.
There
is a cliché which has some truth to it: "Life is a journey."
Many of us, by choice or necessity, take the journey alone. But there is
a great blessing in joining another human being, another creation of God's,
and making that journey together. When someone asks the question -
"Will you go with this man?" "Will you go with this
woman?" - how wonderful to say, "Yes, I will."
On
this Shabbat of Thanksgiving, may we each, also, give thanks for the partners
we have, and be grateful for the opportunity to find each other on that
journey—again and again.
Shabbat Shalom.
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