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How do we talk
to our children? How do we talk to our children about something we don't fully understand ourselves? When we get a question about why the sky is blue, or where sun goes at night, it can be a challenge to our skills at explanation and understanding of the solar system and the refraction of light. At least when it comes to the physical world, we know we can look up the information if we aren't sure of ourselves. There are definitive sources to explain what we don't understand. We are not nearly as fortunate when it comes to the realm of human behavior. Last September, I woke up early on the morning of the 11th. I heard what was unfolding on the radio and quickly turned on the television to put pictures with the descriptions. My four-year-old woke up not long after me, and he saw what I saw. He was upset and bewildered, and all I could tell him was that some very bad people had done something that they shouldn't have, that they had flown an airplane into a building with people. For weeks afterward, Rafael would unexpectedly state to me, "They shouldn't fly an airplane into a house!" No, they shouldn't. But how can one explain why? The last weeks in Israel have left many of us searching for answers to a host of questions that seem to have no satisfactory answers. When will it stop? Why does the world stand by and accuse Israel even as we bury our own dead? How can the United States launch a "war on terror" after a single day of terrible attacks while Israel is expected to forebear after a year and a half of a continuing campaign of murder against its citizens? It is difficult enough to ponder these questions as adults, but what can we do as parents to answer a child's questions about what they see on television and the pictures they see in the newspapers? While none of us wants to deliver knee-jerk reactions and rehearsed opinions to our children as to the recent violence in Israel, neither can we expect our kids to have a great appreciation of the shades of gray and nuances involved in the current conflict. As parents, however, we have an obligation to help our kids make sense of the world. As Jews, we do so by applying our tradition's values to the current situation. Key values that emerge are:
I think that if we consider the above points, it become permissible to paint the current conflict in moral terms. There are very bad people doing things that they shouldn't. No conceivable political grievance can justify repeated acts of mass murder. Every intermediary seeking a ceasefire has been met with more violence. Given these realities, the only explanation we can offer is a need to defend ourselves. It is not the first time in Israel 's history, nor, I fear, will it be the last. As long as there are those who wish to harm our people, we will have to defend ourselves, and never give up hope that we will live, as the Israeli anthem says, am chofshi b' artzeinu, a free people in our land. B'Shalom, |
