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CHANGE, A TRUE STORY August 2000 by Rabbi Samuel M. Cohon "Rabbi, I need some help," the voice on the other end of the line said, "can I see you?" It was 9:30 at night, I was tired, and it was my day off. But something in the voice sounded urgent. "I'll see you in my office in 15 minutes," I heard myself say. I put on some shoes, told Rhody I had an emergency and drove over to temple. I turned off the alarm and turned on the lights. In a few minutes he arrived. Mind you, he didn't look like he had a serious problem: he drove a new BMW, was young, clean-shaven and well dressed. I knew him slightly from congregational life: member of a good local family, he had an excellent job in the large family business, and came to services on the High Holidays. "I don't know what else to do," he said, "Nothing seems to help. I'm addicted to crack. I've been in rehab three times--good places, very expensive - but I can't shake it. It's got a hold on me I can't break. I've been in counseling for years. I always go back to it." His marriage was over, he said, the divorce final now, his personal life a mess. Fortunately, he seemed to be able to carry off his job even when he was high. But that was all that was good. Speaking with agonizing clarity, he talked about the pain and shame he felt dropping off his child with his ex-wife and then heading straight for the "bad part of town" to make a drug buy. He had never been arrested, but felt it was just a matter of time before the drug killed him. He was powerless. "That's a good place to start," I said. I didn't have much training in this, and decided to ignore what training I had. What good would it do to refer him to another treatment program? Why should a different therapist be more effective? I went on instincts. And my instincts told me to do something peculiar. "I need to tell you a couple of things," I said. "First, most addictions are there to fill a hole we feel inside of ourselves. You feel like there's something missing in you, that you are not quite good enough, and so you try to fill up that space. It's true of every addict, more or less. And second, I can promise you something: God cares about you." He gave me a strange look. "You may not think much of yourself," I said, "but God does. You matter. You are created in God's image, for better or worse. God cares what happens to you." I kept talking, perhaps to convince myself as much as him. Well-educated Reform Jews don't talk like this, not even rabbis. But the more I said about God caring and his life being valuable, the more open he became. On a hunch I pulled out a prayerbook and showed him a morning prayer, Elohai Neshama, "My God, the soul You placed within me is pure; You created and formed it..." I asked him if he ever prayed. We talked for a long while, and he left with the book and a sort of assignment to pray two of the morning prayers every day. We met fairly often after that. Sometimes he would call once a week; sometimes it would be months between calls. We added prayers to his ritual, and he started to attend services. The addiction didn't disappear overnight; most people say it never goes away at all. But eventually, within about six months, he stopped using drugs. He and his wife remarried; they have another beautiful child now. He has become very active in his temple. He has been clean for about four years. One Chanukah I received a gift from him; it was a Tree-of-Life Chanukiah. He told me he chose it because I had given him back his life. But he was wrong. He has simply come to accept that God could bring about a change in his life, and he allowed that change to come. As we approach the fall of this year and return to our busy schedules, we tend to forget that the potential for positive transformation is God-given; in fact, it is most accessible through turning to God, seeing our own limitations and allowing God to help. Not all of us have demons of this magnitude. But we all can change for the better. We can all add holiness to our lives, make our relationships with children and spouses and friends richer and deeper. We can all change, if only we let God help. From the August 2000 Temple Times |
